In an earlier post, I raised the question of whether or not values-based choices, made in your own self interest, are selfish choices. Certainly to own your life takes, in large part, conformity to your own values. This, despite the vast philosophical literature on this topic is almost a no brainer. Act in conformity with someone else’s values or wishes and you give up some piece of life ownership.
Still, you need to deal with the issue of selfishness, for you live in a world where you not only need to own your life but also interact well with others. So, let’s start with a definition of selfish; a pertinent meaning is this: “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.” So, a selfish choice is one that is made at the expense of someone else. These kinds of choices often lead to resentments in others.
This, of course, opens up a social dimension of choice. Since you live in a social world, we could argue that all of your choices have social implications. Yet, as a practical matter, if a choice is not at the expense of someone else, you can probably safely choose based on your self interests. Still, in your work and personal life, you do make lots of choices that have implication for others; in fact, they are choices that fulfill your needs through your connectedness to others.
So, besides anchoring your choices in your values, you need to consider your relationships as you make choices. Fortunately, you probably already have values which guide you in making choices that are not only in your interest but also take the interests of others into account, particularly your family, select colleagues, and close friends.
Still, let’s dig a little deeper.
Choice and relationship is a fundamental component of the Choice Theory of Dr. William Glasser. According to Glasser, there are both “caring habits,” that support your relationships and there are “deadly habits” undermine your connectedness. Caring habits include behaviors like supporting, listening, accepting, and negotiating differences; whereas deadly habits include criticizing, threatening, punishing, and bribing or rewarding to control. If you think about the common reactions to these deadly habits, it is easy to see that choices based on them can ultimately hurt you!
Glasser is not the first to see the relationship between choice and relationships. The idea of “enlightened self interest,” an idea that goes back to the birth of our nation, holds that our own interests are best served when we further the interests of others. Simply put, it is the idea of “doing well by doing good.”
In owning your life, you might say, then, that the idea is to make enlightened choices.
These are choices which conform to your own values, and not some else’s wishes, and which lead to the greatest good for all concerned. So, you might regard enlightened choice as a fundamental principle of life ownership.
How do you think the concept of enlightened choice can pay off for you in your career and life?
Contact me if you want to explore how these ideas can be applied to improving your career and life.
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