Real Life: Here, There, and Everywhere

There was a time, not so long ago, when people believed that relationships formed online somehow simply weren’t real. These were designated virtual relationships developed, perhaps in a chat room or perhaps in an online forum -- but clearly detached from every-day life. As such, they were typically regarded as somehow suspect; and if not ignored altogether, at least they required a different set of networking strategies.

Yet, in a world where social media fosters acceleration of interpersonal connections, and online interactions support the deepening of relationships, the distinction between virtual and real life relationships is increasingly meaningless. And while we still see people expressing interest in meeting up IRL (In Real Life), the bonding that can take place over a series of online interactions is no less real than the bonding that happens in the course of face-to-face meetings, or telephone calls.

Certainly, face-to-face conversations provide the richest information about the people we meet, yet, we don’t typically treat relationships built over the phone as less real. Think about it. When was the last time you said, “I can't wait to meet you in real life,” to a colleague you’ve only interacted with by phone? Most likely, you haven’t. That being the case, what makes it logical to say it to a person you’ve only interacted with on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn?

Let’s face it. Saying “in real life” sets up an awkward distinction. So, it’s time for a new one; and here’s a clue to what it is:

Seeing this IBM commercial during an NFL game, it occurred to me that as the notion of  “Cloud Computing” goes mainstream, we now have a new way to think about how our relationships start and grow based on the medium of communication, which can include face-to-face at a specific location, over the phone, or “in the cloud” on various social platforms. All are real. Available everywhere! And all can grow and develop using the same relationship building skills, especially across mediums.

 Cross-posted at William Arruda's Personal Branding Blog

Comments

[Jacqui Poindexter, Master Resume Writer]

Hear Hear - I couldn't agree more, Walter.

I'm so pleased you took this video and expanded on it by way of your blog! Terrific observations.

Meeting others 'in the cloud' IS real; meaningful, business and personal relationships flourish via the written word (and sometimes videotaped image) on these various social platforms, my favorite of which is Twitter.

The beauty of these social platforms is that, though we may experience real time 'chats,' we also have the luxury of thoughtful, at-our-convenience conversations and exchanges that allow for more introspection and richer outcomes (thus, deeper connections).

As well, oft-times in-real-life situations are fettered by environmental distractions or groups of people interjecting themselves into the conversation (and/or pushing the less aggressive communicators out of the convo) - thus, a communications imbalance may occur. Social media, in many instances, it seems, levels that playing field.

I love how you said: "Let’s face it. Saying 'in real life' sets up an awkward distinction." How observant of you to note that such a distinction does not have to be made. In fact, some of the people I met first, online, and then IRL, were no MORE my friend and/or colleague AFTER the face-to-face than they were before. Sure, I was able to shake their hand and see their 360-degree image up close and person, but really, that was the only distinction!

Your insightful post is much appreciated, Walter! ... and it helped me to reinforce my own thoughts on the matter (i.e., social media versus IRL).

Cheers,
Jacqui

[Robin Pearson]

I love this, Walter! What's ironic is that many times, my offline connections have turned out to be much shallower than my online ones. In fact, the web has helped me meet many great in-person friends, so the quality of my social life as a whole has improved drastically. I feel social media is very helpful for building real community, both online and offline.

[Walter Akana]

Hey Jacqui!

Thanks for your terrific comment!

You raise great points in support of this idea! I especially like what you say about the flexibility to have “real time” chats but also “at-our-convenience conversations and exchanges that allow for more introspection and richer outcomes [that lead to deeper connections]." As well, you are so on target in pointing out that social media levels that playing field.

It’s amazing to me that I have some relationships that (so far) have only taken place “in the cloud.” Yet, I count several of those people as among my best friends. And like you, I have lots of experience in transitioning friendships developed online into face-to-face situations and realized that those relationships truly hold up. In fact, I think that they become even richer with more interaction across various media. Face-to-face is the icing on the cake, but it’s all cake. And all good.

So, yes, time to get rid of those awkward distinctions!

Happy Holidays!

[Walter Akana]

Hey Robin! Thanks for your wonderful comment.

Contrary to what many people think, it’s certainly true that offline connections can fall short while online relationships take off. I suppose it’s something in the nature of relationships and has little to do with the medium.

Yet, you really zero in on a couple of key points when you say, “…the web has helped me meet many great in-person friends,” and “social media is very helpful for building real community, both online and offline.”

Frankly, that’s the power! And if we can begin to move past awkward distinctions, we can begin to open up to the world in new and meaningful ways!

Happy Holidays!

[Dawn Lennon]

Walter, I couldn't resist responding. First I found you on the Career Experts Daily. I read your post because I saw Jacqui photo next to your title.

Jacqui reached out to me when I first started on Twitter. I've come to regard her as a very special friend. Her generosity, warmth, and kindness came through the cloud brightly! She actually taught me (she doesn't know this) some many ways to connect with new friend through this medium. Now there's you!

I have actually Skyped and had phone conversations with other social media contacts. It was amazing how much easier that was than meeting someone cold at a conference or meeting.

You have captured something wonderful here and I'm glad I was able to "connect" to it on many levels. Thanks, ~Dawn

[Walter Akana]

Hi Dawn!

Wow! Thanks for your enthusiastic comment! I absolutely love how you capture Jacqui’s presence with, “Her generosity, warmth, and kindness came through the cloud brightly!” And certainly Jacqui does convey that via Twitter. Yet, I suspect that you were also open to forming a real relationship…and that’s the point! When we come to realize it’s all “real life” we open the door to richer experiences of others.

And yes, it totally translates to other mediums. For example, at “TweetUps,” it’s so much easier to connect with people met on Twitter! Same with the phone. Same with Skype. Perhaps we’ll connect by phone soon!

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Hung Lee]

Exactly right Walter,

It's all communication, with the 'physical' being only one of many choices we now have of interacting with one another.

The problem with our generation is that we have sequentially learned these options - meetings before phone, phone before email, email before Skype, Skype before the social web etc - and have developed the habit of hierarchically organising them in terms of value, in the order of how we learned them!

I'm still hearing it's better to meet than to Skype (you serious, in London, with this commute??), that the decline of the phone call is something to be mourned, that email is better than chat.

The generation that will enter the work place 5 years from now will have none of these hang ups - especially if THIS ever takes off.

Check it: http://altaeeblog.com/how-telepresence-can-change-customer-service-forever/

Great post.

Best wishes

[Walter Akana]

Hi Hung!

Thanks for your interesting comment!

You’re right. It's all communication whether we’re physically or virtually present. Indeed, virtual presence – or should I say telepresence – is a reality that is likely to find it’s way to the mainstream before too long!! Thanks, by the way for referring me to Mohammed’s blog to read his great post!

I have to tell you I find your generational model very useful! In fact, it’s reminiscent of social media maturity models – yet goes beyond them. Specifically, you factor in the learning curve as a resistance factor. That could be bad, if people retain their hang ups. Yet, it could be really good, as it suggests it’s all a matter of learning to expand one’s skills and comfort level.

In the end, I don’t think any medium is better than any other. In fact, with all the choices, we now can establish a mix that works for us and for our colleagues!

Hope you’re having a super week!